Life is lived beyond these walls

The past few weeks have been an array of emotions, events, encounters, and holiday festivities!
Many of you may not know but Branden and I were supposed to close on our home right before Christmas. As we were becoming anxious to get in we got some bad news a few days before we were to close. The home would probably not close before Christmas. From that point our lives erupted into a big emotional roller coaster. I should have known God was going to test me in this because that previous week the verse that I was studying with one my high school girls was Matthew 6: ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
And truly, I clung to that verse. Especially because I tend to worry...a l o t! I would be saying that verse at all hours of the day. While packing, cleaning, scrubbing the floors, you name it I was speaking it!

Here is a recap of our chaos of a week :) Here is where I was learning to trust in the Lord with all my heart! :)

Friday 18th- get word probably won't close. Go to apartment and get extension to stay. Call parents and let them know they can't come down for Christmas. Decide to fly to Spokane. Buy plane tickets that evening

Saturday- Go to apartment manager to verify some information. They then informed us they made a mistake and we have to be out by Sunday! ( in less than 24 hours!) Call Branden and freak out :) Call parents and cancel plane ticket to Spokane. Cried all day :) Begin a mad scramble to find a place to live with 3 animals! And start packing like crazy!!!

Sunday- Pack all day and found a new "home" and move in with our good friends the Hunt's! (can't thank them enough!!)

Monday- Sign papers on the house

Tuesday-Find out we had keys!! and begin forming a team to move in!

Tuesday pm- We are in!! and my parents surprised us and showed up.

In the midst of the chaos Branden had a few big papers due for school, was in the middle of hiring a Girls Director for the High School ministries, and we had some situations we were dealing with. Life was overwhelming!!

So here I sit a week later enjoying painting my home, making it cozy, and putting my personal touches on it! Life seems so much calmer. As I have been shopping, painting, and cleaning my mind is drawn to one thing. Life is lived beyond these walls. My heart is stirred to keep living eternally. To challenge myself to look beyond this house...physically and spiritually. The house I call Earth and the house I call Home.

I was watching a story on TV last night and it reminded me of all the hurt, pain, brokenness, and emptiness that fills the souls of people we see everyday.
My life isn't exempt either. The difference is I have a peace and joy in the middle of this crazy life! I couldn't do it without my Savior who I love passionately! I can't tell you how many phone calls and emails I've received in the past several weeks of people who are in tough situations. It has made my heart ache, groan and long for Heaven-but for now... more of Jesus!! From death, to addictions, to suicide there is a lot going on in our world. right. now. Do you see it?
I'm seeing it more and more. Everyday I choose to look beyond me and look out I am overwhelmed.

Last week I was sure this was a bad place to be in. I was a mess. crying and discouraged. There was just so much out there that I couldn't deal with it. I was filled with a heavy heart because of all the brokenness. I called a good friend and she prayed with me, spoke truth into my life, and heard my heart. And today, today I see this is right were I need to be:
Aware. Alive. Available. My eyes are opening. I see the sin tearing down lives physically, spiritually, mentally. The sin that so easily entangles us-
¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

And because I see, I need. I need Jesus that much more. I need his grace that much more. I need every ounce of Jesus if I'm going to make it! I long to be in heaven! No more sin. no more cancer. no more death. no more tears. no pain. no brokenness. no divorce. no hate.

and the astonishing part is I don't deserve one ounce of his grace. It brings me to tears. I'm humbled. I'm overwhelmed by love.

How can I not follow him? How can I not praise and worship this King? How can I not give my life up? The prize far outweighs these troubles on earth. I'm holding out with perseverance.

God, let your kingdom come....

¹⁸ Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. ¹⁹ For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. ²⁰ Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, ²¹ the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. ²² For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³ And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children,^j]">[j] including the new bodies he has promised us. ²⁴ We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope^k]">[k] for it. ²⁵ But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)

From Sunday to Sunday: Sharpies to Heaven

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

¹⁶ That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are^a]">[a] being renewed every day. ¹⁷ For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! ¹⁸ So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ⁵For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

I am writing today out of reflection, a heavy heart, and new perspective. Oh how life flips upside down from one Sunday to the next! This afternoon I received a phone call from a friend to let me know her mom had passed. This was not something she was prepared for or even thought would ever be reality this week. As I was crying with her and trying my best to comfort her I was at a loss for words. All that came to mind was offer my prayers and time. But nothing seemed to do justice. I felt hopeless and useless at the moment.
As I was driving home and reflecting on her journey I felt like things in my life were coming back into perspective. I couldn't imagine my life being flipped upside down in less than a week. I remembered last Sunday. Last Sunday during Church I was getting texts and phone calls about how her dryer was ruined because she put a sharpie through!
I laughed at her. teased her. I even offered advice.
Last Sunday this was the crisis of the week!
And now this Sunday her world has been shattered. Sharpie marks in the dryer are miniscual today. The sharpie crisis doesn't even matter because today her life changed.
And today, my life has been changed. I was recalling my "sharpie moments" of the week---and I have plenty! :) I always know in my head that I shouldn't focus on the small things of life but to focus on people. But today that head knowledge became reality to change some areas of my life.
Today my perspective is being renewed. What really matters today?
People. Eternity. Love.
As I mourn with my friend, I am learning from this moment. To re-evaluate life once again. To come back to the basics. To love Jesus more and more. To love others with reckless abandon. And to express my love to others openly.
I hold on to this. Life does end on here. Oh how I look forward to Heaven.
Eternity with no death. no pain. no tears.
Eternity with our sweet Jesus.

Thank Jesus, For because of you, and you alone I live.
Thank you for being our comfort, peace, and joy amidst tragedy.


Even with a sad heart I rejoice in Jesus. Because of Him I have hope.

Psalm 23:4
⁴ Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, ^a]">[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

humbled.

This weekend I had the opportunity to take several high school girls to the Revolve tour. This tour is for young girls and is full of concerts, dramas and speakers. A main theme through the conference was Africa. From stories the speakers told to even World Vision video's the message was Africa :) It truly stirred my soul, to the point I was crying during each video. (ok, so I cry a lot already) :) Anyway, I haven't stopped thinking about. To be honest it has made me sick to my stomach because I was SO humbled. Ok...I might go off on a tangent of honesty so don't go and judge me now.:) Here it goes:
A couple weeks ago I had a youth pastor's wife pity party. ( ok you all can gasp here) For some reason I was angry...I was tired...I wanted my life with my husband...I wanted to be selfish...I wanted to sulk in my "all about me world." It was just a week where I didn't see Branden much and I felt like everyone needed him or I. It was day after day of non-stop interruption and busyness. I started wearing down and instead of responding with grace, I fell apart. Then instead of running to God to be my strength I attempted to do it on my own. Anyone relate? Well, that didn't work out too well. So, after working on this and beginning to lean on Christ again I thought I had moved on ..... until this weekend came. Oh was I humbled in a big way...in one of those ways you want to cry for days in repentance.
Branden and I feel called here to Oregon. We feel called to work with High School students. We LOVE working and serving with students!!! We have had many, many conversations about Africa and how it is in our blood but we don't feel called to leave everything and move there. But we do feel called to share Africa with our students, to encourage them to go out into their world, to love the orphans and widows. We know we are called to equip, love, and serve here. This is where I have been humbled. God has blessed me immensely-beyond what I deserve! I am blessed every moment of my life to have clean water, to eat food....great food at that, have a comfy warm bed, and on top of that be able to buy a home. All of this is a blessing. A true gift from God. He has called us here to America where we have so much. How dare I take that for granted while there are Christ-followers in the battlefield with no clean water, disease, no family, no bed to lie in at night, no place to call home, and even losing their lives. I was humbled to hear of the stories of those who have left it all; their families, comforts, education, cars to go live and love the people of Africa. How can I even complain? How can I even have a pity party when I have been blessed to serve here in America! There are amazing people all over the world giving up their lives for the sake of the Gospel and I can't even give up my time or husband for a week? this weekend has left me unsettled. I'm not content to just live a mediocre life in America. I want to live life with reckless abandon in America. I don't want the comforts of this life take over me and lose perspective. I have one reason for life here. period! Life is not and will not be about me. I am wrestling through a lot right now. How do I give it all up here in America where it is expected to have it all? I don't have all the answers. I just know that I continue to read God's Word and allow his Spirit to teach, lead and transform me. I am blessed-to be saved and redeemed.

Luke 9:23-30

²³ Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. ²⁴ If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. ²⁵ And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed? ²⁶ If anyone is ashamed of me and my message, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when he returns in his glory and in the glory of the Father and the holy angels. ²⁷ I tell you the truth, some standing here right now will not die before they see the Kingdom of God.”

2 Peter 1:5-11
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. ⁸For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

¹⁰Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, ¹¹and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Meaningless! Meanignless! ...Everything is Meaningless!

Do any of you remember the amazing Walton Family? I was faithful fan, watching every single episode! The Walton family, consisting of John and Olivia, their seven children, and John's parents Zebulon "Zeb" Tyler and Esther Walton, struggles to make a decent life during the Great Depression and World War11. In almost each episode you saw the family sitting down together to eat a meal and then sit around the radio and listen to the evening program. And every night at the end of the episode you would hear, "Good-night, Mary Ellen." "Good-night, John Boy." Why am I recalling the Walton Family? Because if you look back, you see how far we've come...good and bad. Life may have been harder back then, having to work so hard to have anything. But they had something we don't have anymore; family, relationships, community, silence, and joy.

The last few weeks I have felt as if I can't keep this pace, or anyone around me can. This culture is devouring us till we break, physically and mentally.
My soul has been longing for silence. For quiet, still moments of nothing but my thoughts! I can't find that anywhere, whether it be by my own fault or not.
This is all stemming from a hard week I had. Nothing major, just little things that began piling up. I began seeking the Lord and finding that I couldn't hear him..just too much noise and busyness. I felt that I anytime there was that one moment is was snatched up quickly! Does anyone relate?
The text messages, Facebook, TV, the dishwasher, Ipod, the baby screaming above me, cars, distractions, and phone ringing non-stop! It never ended.
This brought me longing for the lifestyle of the Walton's! No dishwasher- you did it by hand and while talking with your family, no bazillion text messages a day-you took the time to write a letter and mail it. No internet-you read the newspaper together. No Ipod, you all sat around the radio...together....and listened.
Oh my soul longs for this again. For quiet. For meaningful relationships.
Is all this technology really a help or is it destroying us bit by bit? How do we win? How do we have a slower paced life? How do we hear the Spirit on a moment by moment basis?
I truly believe we are losing and I can't accept that! I went to a conference this weekend, which also fueled my longing for a quiet, slower lifestyle.
Here are some quick facts that broke my heart:
* Average dad spends 3 minutes of quality time with their children a day
* 87% of teens are online
*90% of ages 8-16 viewed pornography online (while doing homework)
*Americans, ages 13-18 spend 72 hours a week using electronic media (more than 10 hours everyday)
THIS makes me cry, want to give up, quit, stop trying, roll over and lose.
But I am called to fight the fight! Us as believer's in Jesus Christ are called to run the race! No matter how difficult.
We can't go back ( I want to sometimes) :) ...so how do we have the meaningful relationships with family, friends, and Christ?
So in my quest to seek Christ this week, seeking answers for a "Walton lifestyle" in the 21st century I have landed in Ecclesiastes.

¹²I, the Preacher, have been king over Israel in Jerusalem.

¹³And I applied myself by heart and mind to seek and search out by [human] ^a]">[a]wisdom all human activity under heaven. It is a miserable business which ^b]">[b]God has given to the sons of man with which to busy themselves.

¹⁴I have seen all the works that are done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity, a striving after the wind and a feeding on wind.

-1:12-14

I was reading a commentary a couple days ago that said this,

Solomon tried all things, and found them vanity. He found his searches after knowledge weariness, not only to the flesh, but to the mind. The more he saw of the works done under the sun, the more he saw their vanity; and the sight often vexed his spirit. He could neither gain that satisfaction to himself, nor do that good to others, which he expected. Even the pursuit of knowledge and wisdom discovered man's wickedness and misery; so that the more he knew, the more he saw cause to lament and mourn. Let us learn to hate and fear sin, the cause of all this vanity and misery; to value Christ; to seek rest in the knowledge, love, and service of the Saviour.

Did you read that last part?... (to value Christ; to seek rest in the knowledge, love, and service of the Saviour) Ah, my soul feels refreshed just reading that.

As I have been studying, reading, and reflecting on God's Word in Ecclesiastes I am beginning to realign some area's in my life. To take ownership and control that aspects of life that cause my craziness of noise. As Solomon says, it is all vanity. Without Christ, it is meaningless. All of Life is meaningless without Him! I need to hear the Spirit daily, moment by moment or I will be devoured. This is how I find rest amidst the craziness. The other night I stayed up late to pray for awhile, because I feel the night time is the only time where I sense moments of stillness. I have to make efforts and strive to go to the "mountains" to meet Him. And sometimes I do want to drive to the country and just sit the grass :)

As I am on my journey to hear the voice of God, to be still, and to let go of culture normalcy I remember the past but continue to move forward. Life is not lived in the past but in the here and now. As I wrestle with how to find true moments of quiet it begins by making choices. Such as, playing more card games with friends and family :), where true conversations flow, less internet, music, and more quality time with people. This is not easy. It is a fight up stream. But I am determined to have my "Walton Family" in this crazy life!

Hebrews: ^1-3Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God.

Advent Conspiracy

Advent Conspiracy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU&feature=player_embedded

Save $$ !!

Okay so if you don't know yet I am on a huge saving $$ adventure :) I feel that I finally have some time in my life to get good at this and figure it out. I always hear of these people paying pennies for their groceries and I never understood. Well last month I was behind a woman who's total came to $60.00 and she ended up paying $3.00. And she bought good food....not junk food. :)I was just in awe as I watched her hand all the coupons over. It was proof to me that it is possible for any of us to pay as few as $3.00 for groceries :) So I am sharing a deal of the week with you all that I found. I am going to get some today to donate to some families for Christmas that are in need.
Hope you find a deal this week too

BLOG.SAVEWITHLOUISE.COM

$3.99 Preschool board games at KMart this week

Check out the KMart ad this week. They have Preschool board games for $3.99 each.

Memory Disney edition (pictured)

Hi-Ho Cherry-O

Chutes & Ladders

Candy Land

Cootie

It's never too early to start holiday shopping!

Thanks to www.crazycouponlady.com.

Your Moment

Here I am starring at my calendar and seeing my summer slowly fade away. A new season of life is upon me. Entering into June I knew it would be a summer of life changing experiences but I clearly underestimated that prediction!
My journey began long before I left for Africa as I knew God was preparing my heart for greater things. Being apart of Uganda was a moment in time that I will never forget. Going to Africa with the man I love and adore, high school students, my camera, and serving Jesus--Oh there is nothing greater!!! I felt as if I was home-at peace with life. I saw and experienced challenging things but the joy of the Lord was greater than these circumstances. I had times with the Lord that I can never articulate because they were so intimate and real. They were glimpses of heaven that I'll keep with me until the day I truly return home.

I must share one story that challenged me forever. We were up in Northern Uganda in Gulu working with a local church and going into the IDP camps. One afternoon we were in a camp walking around to all the huts praying with people and giving out food.
As we got further out into the camp it became very dark and as you know there is NO electricity. So here we are trying to find our way back in pitch black. The African leader with us had moments before explained how the Lords Resistance Army has invaded this camp twice before and killed many people. I quickly became overwhelmed. I couldn't deal with all the fear and darkness that I could barely breath. I grasped Branden's hand tight and leaned over and quietly whispered to him that I was having a panic attack. Trying to be respectful and strong on the outside the only thing I could do was pray. So I began to have a conversation with God that I will NEVER forget. My mind was racing and I couldn't even think rationally. But in that moment God exposed my heart, I didn't trust Him with my life. My entire life I have said I fully trust God. But I saw that wasn't true. I saw they were just words. The reality is I live in America. I live a fairly safe life. I don't really have to put my full trust in Him if I don't want to. I don't know what its like to fear my life being taken at any given time. The reality that I was standing in the middle of a dark village with no protection was sobering and overwhelming. My only hope was to put my trust in Jesus Christ. My heart was tested and I failed. I didn't truly trust and believe God was my one and only protection and hope. It scared me. It scared me that I have always promised God I would stand with him at all times. My true heart was exposed--I wasn't who I thought I was. This experience changed a lot in my life. What will it take for me to walk in a complete and utter dependence on Jesus?
~Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. Let us lift up our hearts and our hands to God & Heaven...~Lamentations 3:15
As Africa came and went quickly, I then moved on to Summer Camp! Camp was amazing this year as I met and counseled many high school girls! I had the great privilege of baptizing a couple girls as they made a decision to live for Christ! I can tell you that was a moment that has left an impression on my life forever.

So through all that I have done and experienced this summer, I feel God leading me into a new journey. I am turning a new page of life. There are many unclear paths to me but that doesn't matter. I am called to live in obedience. I am stepping out in faith looking straight ahead at the cross. Greater things lie ahead. For me and for you. I believe it with all my heart.
~Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 3:13,14

Thank you

The past couple of weeks several people (you know who you are) have stepped up and taken care of me :) I have been wanting to sit down and write thank you's to each of you but have become so busy that it has not happened. If I haven't had the opportunity to thank you, please know that it isn't because I'm not thankful. I am completely overwhelmed by the graciousness, sacrifice, and love that has been shown to me that I want to say thank you! I am eternally grateful for all you've done! Whether it has been something simple to you...it has meant the world to me! For those of you who have loved me with your time, money, meals, cars, prayer, and more THANK YOU!! I am humbled by your love and service. Please know that I am sincerely grateful and thankful for everything!
May God bless you for the blessings you've given....

So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.
1 Corinthians 3:7

Don't lose heart...

Therefore we don't lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen us eternal.
1 cor. 4:16-18

I absolutely love this verse!!
In our community group we are going through the book of Acts and I am really enjoying it! It has been refreshing to read the first Church and the challenges they faced. It has been a time to refocus and reconnect. I've been questioning and examining my life. Am I allowing God to renew me day by day? Lately I've committed to read AND Meditate on His Word everyday (I'd like to say I was already, but I wasn't committed) It has been an experience that I am deeply thankful for...
I am thankful for the Cross, His Word, His unfailing Love, His grace, and the gift of Heaven that awaits!

Reflections

I will praise you forever for what you have done;
in your name I will hope, for your name is good.
I will praise you in the presence of your saints.
Psalm 52:9

Taking time away for a vacation is so refreshing! To get away and just be "you" is refreshing, rejuvenating, and a necessity! Branden and I cherish our getaways and this time it was much needed.
Being in the midst of such stunning scenery can only lift your spirits! It was so refreshing to walk to the ocean each morning with no agenda and just allow yourself and mind to relax! I tend to be a thinker...or as others would say, a worrier: ) But just sitting and starring out into the endless ocean would hypnotize me.
I also loved spending quality time with my husband and friends!
The whole week I could not stop giving thanks for all God has created, done, and is doing.
While we were in Hawaii we celebrated Easter! I loved celebrating Christ's resurrection in his beautiful creation! It was a wonderful reminder that He is alive, His love is everlasting and He deserves all of our praise!
Throughout the week I reflected on some current situations that I have been dealing with it and began to see a need for a shift within me. I felt that is was time to let go, stop dwelling on the problems and start living a life of deep praise. I want praise and adoration to flow from my lips with sincerity and love. It is time for me to stop thinking about all that is wrong and start giving praise where praise is due!

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.
Psalm 100:4

We are called to live a life of praise and thanksgiving. This isn't a choice we have but rather a command God calls us to. I think I carelessly skip over this part of my life because it I think I already am thankful. But am I? Am I truly living my days with praise and honor for my King?

Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind for your love is ever before me and I walk continually in your truth.
Ps. 26:2.3

This has been my prayer as of lately, and I have been challenged to live a life of deep gratitude to my Savior. This Easter was a heart-check for me. It was I who deserved that cross yet because of God's love and sacrifice I have eternal life. That alone demands all my praise, all my life, and thanks!
May you begin to see the other side of life;not what we don't have BUT all that we have been given!

pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:17

The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God my Savior!
Psalm 18:46

Spring, Sheep, and a Savior

It is the time to seek the Lord- Hosea 10:12
Oh how I love Spring! Within me there is a fresh spirit when Spring time comes. Recently I have been in search of new flowers blooming and baby lambs. :) I have gone on drives with my camera in hand ready to find some sheep to watch. This may come across as funny but it is a Spiritual reason. Time and time again Jesus compares his people to sheep. I have been studying this in depth which has awakened my soul to a new Love of my Shepard Jesus.

"I'm the good Shepard; I know my sheep and my sheep know me." -John 10:14

Do I find it coincidence that as Spring has come my Soul as awakened as well?

In my devotion book by Charles Spurgen I came across a quote I wanted to share because it struck a chord to how God is working in me this Spring:).
" The month of April is said to derive its name from the Latin verb aperio, which means to open, because all the buds and blossoms are now opening, and we have arrived at the gates of the flowery season....Every blossoming flower reminds you that now is the time to seek the Lord; do not be out of tune with nature, but let your heart bud and bloom with holy desire."

When I read this it all came together for me. As God has been at work in nature he also is at work refreshing my Spirit.
My interest in finding lambs is truly just to observe their nature with one another. I want to have a deeper understanding to Jesus' corilation with his people and sheep. I want to be reminded of why I am in daily need of my Shepard.
"I am the good Shepard. The good Shepard lays down his life for the Sheep." -John 10:11
I want to be in his creation giving praise.
"But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you." -Is. 12:24

As Spring has come and Easter approaches may your heart seek Jesus...

contemplating

I've been quite reflective lately, really pondering the true point of this life.
As I am driving, walking, or working out my mind is in a constant stirring of thoughts.
I think as I become more closer to the heart of God I begin to see how meaningless stuff really is.
My heart is beginning to beat for different things in this world.
My perspective is daily being shifted into an eternal one.
I have become overwhelmed in the face of this new perspective, it as if my heart can't handle what I am truly seeing.
Instead of focusing on getting, wanting, working, me, me, me
I am seeing a shift within me to others, eternal life, joy, and thankfulness.
Because of this I have found my heart heavy and overwhelmed with deep emotion.
I am calling upon the Lord daily for grace, wisdom, strength, endurance, and his mighty help.
Just sitting in the presence of the Lord I look upon the world and seeing something changing rapidly....
I want to be just like Jesus more than anything else in this world
I want to be ready

Old Testament

I have really been diving into the old testament the past week...From Joseph, Moses, and the exodus I have been really challenged and renewed. I believe a portion of what is taking place in my has to do with this mission trip to Africa in June. Everyday there is a battle in my head, but deep in my heart I know I am to go. I really can't explain to you the anguish I battle with everyday, but I know it is a Spiritual war. I know God is preparing me in ways I don't even understand. I was reading in Exodus 3 today regarding God calling Moses. I related to Moses in many of his weak moments!

"Who am I, that I should go?" -3:11

"What if they don't believe me or listen to me?" 4:1

"I have never been eloquent, neither in the past not since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." 4: 10

"O, Lord, please send someone else to do it." 4:13

Down at the bottom of my Bible I had written a note from when I was at Bible School-never knowing God would use it 6 years later in my life...
Satan tries to let us think we aren't good enough to be used by God...but it is Christ IN us...We just need to be willing!

Every morning I cry out to Him, knowing I am not fully capable, but I am evolving into being fully willing to be used by Him.

This process of becoming weak so that HE may fully use me is a bumpy road, but one full of indescribable joy!!


God just wants a willing vessel....

Be still

I have many things in my life to rejoice over! With that being said it is so easy to throw that out the window as soon as one hiccup in life hits. Everything is going well and then it starts unraveling...one thing after another. As individual events they are minuscule in all of eternity. But when these little incidents begin compiling upon your life, you begin to break down. This has been my life lately and though I have felt like breaking down God has given me a refreshing time in the midst of this whirlwind. I don't know why emotional and physical pain has entered my life at once but I know that I choose to rejoice in my Savior.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior! The sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of deer, he enables me to go on the heights."
-Habakkuk 3:17-19

Let me allow you to enter a transparent area of my heart....
I believe with all my heart this is God's testing of me. I truly believe God is doing a greater work in and through me. I don't know what it all entails and all the reasons but What I know for sure: There is a purpose to why all aspects of my life are being tested.
In these areas of pain and helplessness I have turned to God in ways that has renewed and strengthened me. I believe God wants me to be fully and utterly be dependent on him, even in the tiniest parts of my life.
I have had encounters with him that have lifted my soul to a deeper place.
Being broken isn't easy, Being vulnerable is scary, Being helpless is overwhelming
But there is a reliance on Him that you would never find otherwise.
Why carry our burdens that we were never meant to carry (even the littlest ones)?
Currently, I am being tested to the core of who I am.
May you openly allow God's testing in your life.
I have found a sweeter love for my Savior.
I have found how precious the Cross is.
I am on a journey....

Learning to trust a Mighty God

" How beautiful on the mountain are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation."-Is. 52:7

The past couple weeks I have been really wrestling over some decisions that I needed to make. These choices I've had to make brought me to tears many times. I have held my hands up to the Lord asking him what I was to do. All I want is to serve the Lord with all my heart this summer but have the reality of life screaming back at me in the face! In every moment I was trying to seek his desire and weigh out the "pro's & cons." But to be honest there are no cons to the choices I had to make, which has made it all more difficult. How do I sacrifice one vs. the other? What I feel the Lord is impressing on my heart is trusting in him. This whole process hasn't been about one vs. the other, it has been learning to rely on a God who is bigger than my circumstance, money, and people. In my little head I don't see how things are possible but I am choosing to give this to Him who can do exceedingly more than I can imagine.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." -prov. 3:5,6

In all of this I realize God wants all of me and my heart....and the rest lies in his hands.

"Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the Heavens and the Earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you! -Jer. 32:17

May you believe and Trust in Him today~
Katie

eagerly awaiting

Do you ever have those moments when your heart just longs to be with Jesus? There have been days lately when I just yearn to go home. It becomes evident to me through the days that this is not my home. One Sunday morning I was just in a quiet moment before Him, I felt him whisper to me that this life on earth is a race and to keep running with endurance.
"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." -Phil 3:13
I think I get discouraged with the evil that surrounds me. I begin to think there is no good in sight. Later on in Philippians 3:18 "For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ.Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. BUT our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ..."
As I continued to read this over and over, I was filled with hope and a supernatural endurance to keep trekking on in this life for Him!
Since reading Philippians last week, my heart has been hungering and thirsting for his Word! I haven't had this deep desire in me for quite awhile. Within my soul there is a longing to go be quiet before him. "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody." 1 Thes. 4:11,12

May you also hunger and thirst for righteouness....
I look forward to his return but rejoice in today!
Katie