This weekend I had the opportunity to take several high school girls to the Revolve tour. This tour is for young girls and is full of concerts, dramas and speakers. A main theme through the conference was Africa. From stories the speakers told to even World Vision video's the message was Africa :) It truly stirred my soul, to the point I was crying during each video. (ok, so I cry a lot already) :) Anyway, I haven't stopped thinking about. To be honest it has made me sick to my stomach because I was SO humbled. Ok...I might go off on a tangent of honesty so don't go and judge me now.:) Here it goes:
A couple weeks ago I had a youth pastor's wife pity party. ( ok you all can gasp here) For some reason I was angry...I was tired...I wanted my life with my husband...I wanted to be selfish...I wanted to sulk in my "all about me world." It was just a week where I didn't see Branden much and I felt like everyone needed him or I. It was day after day of non-stop interruption and busyness. I started wearing down and instead of responding with grace, I fell apart. Then instead of running to God to be my strength I attempted to do it on my own. Anyone relate? Well, that didn't work out too well. So, after working on this and beginning to lean on Christ again I thought I had moved on ..... until this weekend came. Oh was I humbled in a big way...in one of those ways you want to cry for days in repentance.
Branden and I feel called here to Oregon. We feel called to work with High School students. We LOVE working and serving with students!!! We have had many, many conversations about Africa and how it is in our blood but we don't feel called to leave everything and move there. But we do feel called to share Africa with our students, to encourage them to go out into their world, to love the orphans and widows. We know we are called to equip, love, and serve here. This is where I have been humbled. God has blessed me immensely-beyond what I deserve! I am blessed every moment of my life to have clean water, to eat food....great food at that, have a comfy warm bed, and on top of that be able to buy a home. All of this is a blessing. A true gift from God. He has called us here to America where we have so much. How dare I take that for granted while there are Christ-followers in the battlefield with no clean water, disease, no family, no bed to lie in at night, no place to call home, and even losing their lives. I was humbled to hear of the stories of those who have left it all; their families, comforts, education, cars to go live and love the people of Africa. How can I even complain? How can I even have a pity party when I have been blessed to serve here in America! There are amazing people all over the world giving up their lives for the sake of the Gospel and I can't even give up my time or husband for a week? this weekend has left me unsettled. I'm not content to just live a mediocre life in America. I want to live life with reckless abandon in America. I don't want the comforts of this life take over me and lose perspective. I have one reason for life here. period! Life is not and will not be about me. I am wrestling through a lot right now. How do I give it all up here in America where it is expected to have it all? I don't have all the answers. I just know that I continue to read God's Word and allow his Spirit to teach, lead and transform me. I am blessed-to be saved and redeemed.
Luke 9:23-30
2 Peter 1:5-11
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
A couple weeks ago I had a youth pastor's wife pity party. ( ok you all can gasp here) For some reason I was angry...I was tired...I wanted my life with my husband...I wanted to be selfish...I wanted to sulk in my "all about me world." It was just a week where I didn't see Branden much and I felt like everyone needed him or I. It was day after day of non-stop interruption and busyness. I started wearing down and instead of responding with grace, I fell apart. Then instead of running to God to be my strength I attempted to do it on my own. Anyone relate? Well, that didn't work out too well. So, after working on this and beginning to lean on Christ again I thought I had moved on ..... until this weekend came. Oh was I humbled in a big way...in one of those ways you want to cry for days in repentance.
Branden and I feel called here to Oregon. We feel called to work with High School students. We LOVE working and serving with students!!! We have had many, many conversations about Africa and how it is in our blood but we don't feel called to leave everything and move there. But we do feel called to share Africa with our students, to encourage them to go out into their world, to love the orphans and widows. We know we are called to equip, love, and serve here. This is where I have been humbled. God has blessed me immensely-beyond what I deserve! I am blessed every moment of my life to have clean water, to eat food....great food at that, have a comfy warm bed, and on top of that be able to buy a home. All of this is a blessing. A true gift from God. He has called us here to America where we have so much. How dare I take that for granted while there are Christ-followers in the battlefield with no clean water, disease, no family, no bed to lie in at night, no place to call home, and even losing their lives. I was humbled to hear of the stories of those who have left it all; their families, comforts, education, cars to go live and love the people of Africa. How can I even complain? How can I even have a pity party when I have been blessed to serve here in America! There are amazing people all over the world giving up their lives for the sake of the Gospel and I can't even give up my time or husband for a week? this weekend has left me unsettled. I'm not content to just live a mediocre life in America. I want to live life with reckless abandon in America. I don't want the comforts of this life take over me and lose perspective. I have one reason for life here. period! Life is not and will not be about me. I am wrestling through a lot right now. How do I give it all up here in America where it is expected to have it all? I don't have all the answers. I just know that I continue to read God's Word and allow his Spirit to teach, lead and transform me. I am blessed-to be saved and redeemed.
Luke 9:23-30
23 Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. 24 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. 25 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed? 26 If anyone is ashamed of me and my message, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when he returns in his glory and in the glory of the Father and the holy angels. 27 I tell you the truth, some standing here right now will not die before they see the Kingdom of God.”
2 Peter 1:5-11
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
